Chapter 3 – The after affects of Bump and Grind

Affect or effect? My spineless friend Alastair suggested a night of easy drinks and wooden benches at a nearby pub. The venue lacked anything and most kinds of everything, so we settled down to dirty beer and stupid conversation. The usual banter; which girls you would bang (the ones you know), which ones you wouldn’t bang (the ones you know) and which ones you haven’t banged (ALL the ones you know).

Misogynists we were, sure, but it was the end of a long day, so it was either that bullshit conversation or bitching about our jobs.

We stopped banging our brains after a bit, topped up our drinks, and then I started this little bit.

‘So Al, the other day, after you birthday, I caught a cab home.’

‘Wow!’ he exclaimed, ‘You rebellious fiend you, you fox. A cab, all the way home? Oh sorry, was daddy’s Merc in the shop? Your poor thing…’ This went on for quite a while, it was pretty damn funny, I’ll admit.

‘Anyway, this cabbie was from East Africa…’

‘Where?’

‘He didn’t specify, which was weird. I told him my mums was form Seychelles, to see if that would make him more comfortable, but it didn’t. So, we were just driving along, chatting about stuff, our nights and all that, when a car behind us flashed their lights at us.’

Alastiar nodded, ‘Let me guess, another cabbie right?’

‘Exactly. Now my guy wasn’t all over the road or anything. He was in his lane, sitting on the speed limit too. The cabbie kinda sighed and said, “You will see, it is an Indian cabbie”. Well, I didn’t say anything, and just lent back and waited for the cabbie to drive past and lo and behold, he was an Indian. I didn’t say anything again, but then my guy started venting.

“Thirty years back, all cabbies Greek or Italian okay? No problem. Before this, they all Australian, no problem too. Then, maybe fifteen years, you start getting East Africans or other Europeans too, and also, no problem. We work, we work hard. We nice to customer. And then maybe five years ago, you get the Indians come down. Trouble start from here,” is what he said.’

I sipped my drink, to refresh my dry tongue. I tried, and tremendously failed to reproduce the cabbie’s accent.

‘He went on, “They fight, all the time. For ten cents, they fight customer. They fight to go here or there. They don’t turn on meter, they cheat customer, they lie. They steal mobile and bag instead of taking to police station. They stink, they stink very bad, very bad. They work 24 hours or more, they eat in car. Always talking on mobile. No respect. They stink very bad.” Now, I didn’t say shit, I didn’t quite know what to say. I prefer not to agree, but I don’t disagree either…’

‘-cos you’re a pussy?’ Alastair butted in.

‘Yes, maybe, but, I don’t need that. So, that was my ride. He finished pretty much as he pulled up in front of my house. The charge was $19.90. I gave him $20.’

‘Hmm,’ Alastair said and then proceeded to state the obvious, ‘How strange, and amusing.’

‘I know, it was so interesting to see how other cabbies feel to be honest.’

‘Yeah, and there aren't many shitter jobs out right now than driving a cab. People don’t give you no respect, so you don’t show them any. And you hear such bad stories about cabbies. I knew a girl who used to drink at a local spot each week right? Each night, when they pub closed – she lived close enough to walk home – there would be cabbies outside offering her and her friends free rides home. So one day, one of her friends was particular drunk and took this free ride home. So this fucking shithead, took this chick to some pre-arranged location and him and his buddies raped this chick.’

We both shook our heads, the way you do when you hear something fucking horrible and feel completely fucking helpless.

‘It’s that circle, the circle of shit. You know?’

Alastair silently applauded by brilliant conclusion.

I left not long after this slight down in conversation and jumped on a tram. I grabbed a window seat as usual, and was surprised to see cabs everywhere in the city. It was one of those nights, two hundred yellow cars waiting for your business and you not needing to bother.